"Only Lovers Left Alive" (2014)

Wow. This is the stereotypical Art House Film. If ponderous, slow, brooding is the essence of artistic depth, this may be the best vampire film ever.

Now, in all seriousness there is an esthetic beauty to this film. As a painting or a photograph it might hold a certain amount of interest. But as a story it leaves one dry. (Hmmm, a vampire story that drains the viewer.) It is a shame though, because one gets the sense that this film wanted to say something and may have even served as a counterpoint to the Twilight dreck that sullied the genre.

Instead, the film is so pompous in its themes and so failing in its delivery that it must be taken as a missed opportunity. There were interesting bits here and there. (Eve packing for her voyage, the fascination with art and beauty, the frustration with humanity’s destructive nature, etc.) None of them are developed. There could have been moments where something happened. (Rumor has it that there were action moments, but when Jarmusch was asked to add more he instead removed them all.) As delivered we await for a plot that never comes. That is a form of suspense, just not what a vampire story promises.