Exegesis, Eisegesis, and Urinalysis

What is theological education coming to these days? The latest example of idiotic Biblical teaching probably only impacted a congregation of a handful of people, until the “sermon” made its way onto the World Wide Web. (You can find the particular sermon below.)

 

It would be funny if it weren’t so stupid and embarrassing. The hard part is figuring out what is the worst part of this sermon. Is it the theological significance assigned to the six times a phrase is found in the Bible? Is it maybe the attitude towards the King James Version as if every translation before it (including the original Greek and Hebrew) were mere links in the evolutionary progress of God’s Word on the road to the “Inerrant KJV”? Most likely it is simply the assertion that peeing while standing is God’s way of determining who real men are.

 

True, peeing from a seated position is encouraged in Germany. Some think it is a grand conspiracy of androgyny, but it is really more of an attitude encouraged by those who clean toilets. German toilets in themselves are a source of tremendous culture-shock to non-Germans. They actually have a “viewing-shelf” strategically placed in the bowl so that the product can be clearly seen before it is (less than satisfactorily) washed away down the drain.

 

The truth is, maybe this pastor missed the mark in his own special exercise in eisegesis. He clearly sees a mandate from God that men should pee standing up, but he forgot that it clearly says in the same phrase that men pee on walls. Perhaps KJV-Bible-Thumping MEN everywhere should abandon the use of indoor plumbing altogether and start peeing on walls.

Ironically, this is another problem faced in Europe. So much so that they have designed walls that are “pee-proof.” If you pee on them, they funnel it right back at you!